ROAD RAGE!

What is wrong with people? I know a little lady who thinks that yelling and screaming at people driving stupidly from behind a steering wheel is a sign of “road rage.” The latest namby-pamby coin of a phrase from doctoral eggheads looking to justify their existence, not only has turned “road rage” into an axiom, but it has pushed the concept into the American psychological lexicon. In the course of the average week, what big city commuter doesn’t have a couple of eye-popping, vein bulging gasket blowing, conniptions behind the wheel? This isn’t road-rage! It is merely the free expression of healthy ideas; mainly that the other guy needs to learn to care about us by getting the hell out of our way, or else crawl off to the shoulder and die.

This dynamic is what folks in the 1970’s, and before, simply referred to as driving. It was back in the day before seatbelts were introduced into cars. People were tough then;. even riders and children who were assured of their toughness by the hardness of their skulls bashing against dashboards all over America. Thank goodness you could put a Saint Christopher statue on your dash to watch over your bloody scalp without it being banned by politically correct anti-religious zealots! It is the great American past time to add some gentle critique on every other drivers skill level while emphasizing the high points with selected, suggestive gesturing.

Unfortunately the collegiate think-tanks have invented the concept of “anger management.” Of course “road rage” is one small portion which falls under the behemoth category of “anger management.”. You are heaped into this large category of offenders if you articulate your points of view emphatically while driving. This of course tends to frighten the timid bleeding heart, idealistic, commune-dwelling types. They are really at the heart of this big anger conspiracy. Their mommy’s didn’t hold them often enough when they were baby monkeys, and now everything scares them, including loud voices, backfiring cars, and people who disagree with them in the work place enough to staple their fingers to their desktop..

Immediately vocalizing your feelings rather than creating a pent up frustration has medical value. It is much healthier to express those feelings right away than to hold them back. Behind the wheel of a motorized, propelled, three ton vehicle, it is imperative to remain healthy! Much like the pressure cooker on a stovetop, the little safety valve of yelling and screaming through a closed window at complete strangers that just denied you a road-wise courtesy prevents maladies such as busting blood vessels that would explode and shoot your eyeballs from their sockets up against the inside of your car’s windshield. Unless you were wearing glasses, the outcome could delay arriving at your destination on time.

The real wacky ones are the drivers who stop their car, open the door and try to challenge you at your door side. Now that is taking speech into the realm of action, and is one step too far. That is how you can tell if there is really road rage. So be wary of loopy psychos that don’t know where to draw the line. The next time that some “fruit-loop” exits their vehicle to tell you how you didn’t give enough “signal time” before you changed lanes in front of him; you know you are facing road rage. As long as you keep your doors locked and your windows rolled up you should feel comfortable telling him what you think of him. Use selected fingers to dot your exclamation point. Now once he takes a swing at your window only then maybe, can you run him over!