THE NEW AMERICAN BIRD!

Ben Franklin, the consummate in-depth thinker, all around colonial genius and well rounded panty-chaser is about to be proven insightful once more. Living in a time without Rogain (note his bald head on the $100 bill) and knickers, the “creator extraordinaire” laid down his own personality template. I’m not just talking about the sex drive of an old man sliding his hands on supple naked lady-ness well into his eighties. The history suggests he may have had long term vision, and it wasn’t because of his new fangled invention (wire rimmed eye glasses).

The leaders of his day struggled for a Declaration of Independence while Franklin was one of the proponents of creating a national emblem befitting of the colonies heritage and traditions. You might think it would be a “wild hare” given its proclivity to reproduce almost as much as Franklin himself. The Philadelphian and most popular founding father pictured on U.S. money that was never a President however, wanted the national bird to be the turkey.

How could such an gifted man propose that a bird willing to stand with its head stretched in the air facing skyward, mouth opened catching raindrops until the damn thing drowns was indicative of America. Did he really think it resembled anything of the America he helped to birth? The answer is that his insight was long and far reaching though a bit muddled by lacey bodices.

The feathery gobbler after all was an emblem of all that was good in America between original settlers and the Native Americans they found when Europeans landed on her shores. Given the source, you might have expected the back of the $100 bill to picture a brothel instead of Independence Hall. Nevertheless Franklin was a man of passion decision, opinion, and as it turns out extra sensory perception (ESP).

Look around yourself today. Culturally you will notice little resemblance to even the 1980’s. The traditions have been sliding down the proverbial slippery slope for at least that long. It is almost as if we are virgins that have plunked down our first $25 waiting to see what kind of whore and bottle of booze it will buy us. We are as oblivious as Tom the Turkey; ever satisfied to keep overstuffing ourselves. The country is drunk with success, pomp and circumstance, singing glory to ourselves while the lumberjack sharpens his Thanksgiving Day ax right before our eyes.

The bald eagle surely symbolized the more than two hundred years reflecting America’s rugged individualism that carried the nation. Today that eagle is much more of a turkey. The eagle a fierce-looking, domineering hunter ever vigilant to guard and defend her territory once survived on its wits. The sustenance upon the weak and more venerable of Mother Nature’s domain had been replaced by a sniveling whiney geekish kind of existence. A country that was once John Wayne has become a society of Don Knotts.

Today one can conclude that maybe Franklin had it right, we were destined to be a nation of turkey’s not eagles! He might have been stimulated by our loose moral values in the name of sexual gratification, but he likely wouldn’t have enjoyed the last 20 years of American politics.

In the movie 1776 John Adams (played by William Daniels) moans to Franklin (William De Silva) that he would be forgotten by posterity. He muses that Franklin will be credited for its success. “Franklin did this, and Franklin did that.” Adams states. “Franklin smoked the ground and out popped George Washington on his horse. Then he, Franklin, and the horse defeated the British all by themselves. Franklin responds “I like it!” He is remembered as a serious man with a sense of humor. Until about 200 years after the fathers founded the country it seemed likely that men with so much on the ball, like Franklin would be perfect candidates for President.

Most recently, that eagle had to be rescued by Ronald Reagan. In a mere short 20 years since the country has once again molted turkishly. It now waddles around the holding pen at Thanksgiving time waiting for the much talked-about grand feast; still not realizing that it is the guest of honor on the table not at it.

Franklin and his extensive hanky panky would have been right in fighting for a Rhode Island Red emblem. For today’s sexually charged culture both our propensity for nakedness and all things foul are two enduring legacies of the American dream. Maybe Franklin who liked women’s legs more, saw through the history of mankind enough to know that one day our sturdy cowboy haunches would end up as turkey legs.