WINKIN' LINCOLN

The Rock band “Faces” utilized a clever phrase with their 1971 album “A Wink is as Good as a Nod to a Blind Horse.” That axiom comes in handy when looking in retrospect at the gala Presidential inaugural held recently in the shadow of the Smithsonian. The astronomically priced festivities remind us of the excess found at a full blown pink-satin Rod Stewart post concert party. The Capital, where all of the important swearing-in occurred, lies at one end of the Washington Mall. Given the tons of garbage left behind, the aftermath reveals that those in attendance were surely not “earth-friendly” but rather a Styrofoam generating throng of star struck drooling followers. If you could cut through the astral plain you might have heard a few different choice words coming from the Lincoln Memorial at the other end of the Ellipse. The large white statue depicting arguably the most important U.S. President, Abraham Lincoln, could have been the place to hear after-life murmurs of a different kind of swearing.

That is not to say that Lincoln wouldn’t like Obama, or the people he attracts, he probably would. The pair does share some connections. Both now belong to quite an exclusive club consisting of a mere 44 males. No it is not a Dumbo-sized ear club for men! All the President’s have been men of course. It sounds a bit sexist, but why would anyone want to be ruled by an administration headed by a woman anyway? Heck that would be just like being married! Perhaps that is the reason that both Hilary and Sarah bumped their noggins on that glass ceiling.

The similarities between Abe and Barrack don’t simply end with the fact that both of these bean-poles are from Illinois. With a little make up and some straw they could be used in corn fields to scare crows. Lincoln’s tall gangly countenance reminds us that his hideously large sized ears were the things holding up those top-hats. The current large-lobe challenged President hasn’t yet discovered the virtue of hats, but nevertheless has magically been deemed qualified to be placed among the D.C. marble. This, despite the fact that he hasn’t even served a hundred days yet! Lincoln had to put up with Mary Todd, but still gave it his all. Obama merely gave us a good campaign and some wild dancing on Oprah. Still, there were no less that 3 commercial products depicting smiling Barack on coins, plates and guacamole dip.

No freshman rookie gets their face plastered on the Mount Rushmore of Mexican dishes until he has done phenomenal feats such as inventing the sombrero. Occasionally however, along comes a personality so revered that the entire population takes a siesta for four years, or the cacophony inverts so loudly that the poles reverse. Obama is just such a figure. In his case no one is sleeping because the grating noise of well wishers is loud enough to make a grown man squint.

So would the man who freed the slaves be happy about America’s election of a man of color? In Honest Abe’s case, there is no telling if his response to Obama’s ascension is a wince of distain, or an approving wink to go with the invisible nod. To the masses who are the blind horses in all of this, it doesn’t matter because once you are big enough to be pictured on food, it doesn’t matter how well sighted the horse. All that matters is that we giddy up!