Mystery of Electric and Gas Shortages Solved
If you own the power you own it all! Anybody who ever reigned supreme in a game of Monopoly can tell you that it’s true. That is unless of course you play some new version of the game. You know the new editions that have diluted the financial message of the early 1900’s board game whose only purpose now is to exploit your pocketbook by way of your emotions. Today on the market there’s foreign language monopoly, Barney I Love You” monopoly, Dukes of Hazard monopoly and even University monopoly. The college version is useful in making NCAA schools worth attending, as undergraduates stay up all night vying to see how they can meld some form of monopoly into the wild, carousing, over drinking college lifestyle that Universities have come to represent.
Nevertheless, owning the power means you are king! That seems to be the sentiment of many in this country who look at the high cost of gasoline and electricity. The good old days are gone; you know the ones with block long lines waiting for a fill up, and the rolling blackouts inflicted upon California. The good old days? Heck yea! Then even though there were shortages your gallon of gas was still well below a dollar a gallon. There was much whining then because we don’t like to wait for the goods and services we feel we deserve. We’ll pay through the nose just don’t make us wait! Witness as proof that of any Bridal Gown discount sale. The outlet, at great risk to its very infrastructure, will sell thousand dollar symbols of purity to women who’ve had more sex than Heidi Fleiss on a slow night; for about a dollar ninety eight over cost! This creates a stampede akin to a cattle drive gone awry as typified by a bad John Wayne movie. The virtuous young ladies attack each other to get the garment of their choice that they’ll wear for a total of four hours. The whole ruckus is an affair that reminds one of Wreslemania on a rainy Saturday night in Alabammy.
Now there are no gas lines but we’re approaching the cost equivalent to a gallon of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Put some Chunky Monkey in your tank and see if that’ll make your motor run! If they could figure a way to make Hagen Daz combustible we’d have another energy source for about the same cost.
With exorbitant costs, there is finally a whimper out of the public’s collective mouth, and that’s just about the ice cream.
The West Coast blackouts were a different story. In 2001 and 2002 darkness could reign down upon your home without much warning jut like nightfall! Panic stricken people reacted as if it were the stone-age during a solar eclipse. People ran trembling through the streets as if the sky was falling, and the gods were angry with them. On top of that tension, prices spiked to ridiculous amounts per kilowatt hour, similar to the cost of hair darkening grease during the Reagan administration. Of course certain energy companies and high government officers were in on the shenanigans. Then to top it off California became saddled with Arnold, The Governator. Someone has been pulling pranks on the costal states ever since. The most popular commentary after a Schwarzenegger political speech is Huh? What did he say?
Many people complained that we are restrained in that we have plenty of product but no way to refine petroleum, and turn material into electricity (without charging a gazillion dollars per unit). That of course is so energy company CEO’s can drive around in bullet proof limos. What do you think they are afraid of anyway? As long as they stay in the limo smoking their big fat cigars made from illegal Cuban tobacco, and rolled with American hundred dollar bills they won’t have to worry.
The refinery shortfall premise does have some merit. There is one particular yet seldom mentioned theory on why there isn’t enough petroleum, gasoline or electricity. It’s not that our refinery capacity is lacking. It’s not even that evil conservatives have a hand on the lever of such power, and another one in my back pocket.
Have you ever driven past a field that has high tension power lines? The towers stretch in pairs across roadways, grassland to the horizon and beyond. They always look exactly the same no matter where you find them! The hypothesis is that this delivery system is simply not enough to carry the glut of that has built up behind the mysterious bottle neck of energy. There is only really one set of power lines and they go around the world! Each time you see a set in a field, realize it’s the same ones you saw across town, in another state, near the zoo, or in any number of “Ultra Man” episodes and “Godzilla” movies! They all look alike, they all stretch in the same direction and they are not enough to carry the world’s energy.
There are some positives to this situation. If you are ever lost and you run across a power line field, if you follow them toward the horizon eventually you will find your way home or to a good b-movie monster fight. The illusion is that many of these lines are stretching criss-crossing the country delivering all of our electricity. In reality there is only one set of towers erected by some guy named Mort. He of course has been subcontracted by your electric company to give the impression that they are everywhere. You hardly notice. The only person doing well outside of limo bound fat cats is Mort. Nobody knows why this lowly electrical worker has yachts, Lear jets, and his picture on a box of Wheaties. Now that his secret is out I bet you won’t be able to find his picture on cereal boxes anymore!
Take time to look carefully the next time you come across such a field and you’ll find they always run in the same direction. Clever Mort, but not slick enough to fool the watchful eye. You may have fooled us in the past but with prices going out of site your shrewd tactics have been discovered. How did you ever think you were going to get away with it?
What could possibly happen next? Will power lines cease to carry the glut of electricity those power brokers are sitting upon? Hardly. As long as the power is in the hand of a few guys the power lines will stand as picturesque as a symbol (like a stature of liberty) to the wealthy. Isn’t America a great place to live? It is especially true if you’re a big-wig, a guy named Mort, or Godzilla!
Nevertheless, owning the power means you are king! That seems to be the sentiment of many in this country who look at the high cost of gasoline and electricity. The good old days are gone; you know the ones with block long lines waiting for a fill up, and the rolling blackouts inflicted upon California. The good old days? Heck yea! Then even though there were shortages your gallon of gas was still well below a dollar a gallon. There was much whining then because we don’t like to wait for the goods and services we feel we deserve. We’ll pay through the nose just don’t make us wait! Witness as proof that of any Bridal Gown discount sale. The outlet, at great risk to its very infrastructure, will sell thousand dollar symbols of purity to women who’ve had more sex than Heidi Fleiss on a slow night; for about a dollar ninety eight over cost! This creates a stampede akin to a cattle drive gone awry as typified by a bad John Wayne movie. The virtuous young ladies attack each other to get the garment of their choice that they’ll wear for a total of four hours. The whole ruckus is an affair that reminds one of Wreslemania on a rainy Saturday night in Alabammy.
Now there are no gas lines but we’re approaching the cost equivalent to a gallon of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Put some Chunky Monkey in your tank and see if that’ll make your motor run! If they could figure a way to make Hagen Daz combustible we’d have another energy source for about the same cost.
With exorbitant costs, there is finally a whimper out of the public’s collective mouth, and that’s just about the ice cream.
The West Coast blackouts were a different story. In 2001 and 2002 darkness could reign down upon your home without much warning jut like nightfall! Panic stricken people reacted as if it were the stone-age during a solar eclipse. People ran trembling through the streets as if the sky was falling, and the gods were angry with them. On top of that tension, prices spiked to ridiculous amounts per kilowatt hour, similar to the cost of hair darkening grease during the Reagan administration. Of course certain energy companies and high government officers were in on the shenanigans. Then to top it off California became saddled with Arnold, The Governator. Someone has been pulling pranks on the costal states ever since. The most popular commentary after a Schwarzenegger political speech is Huh? What did he say?
Many people complained that we are restrained in that we have plenty of product but no way to refine petroleum, and turn material into electricity (without charging a gazillion dollars per unit). That of course is so energy company CEO’s can drive around in bullet proof limos. What do you think they are afraid of anyway? As long as they stay in the limo smoking their big fat cigars made from illegal Cuban tobacco, and rolled with American hundred dollar bills they won’t have to worry.
The refinery shortfall premise does have some merit. There is one particular yet seldom mentioned theory on why there isn’t enough petroleum, gasoline or electricity. It’s not that our refinery capacity is lacking. It’s not even that evil conservatives have a hand on the lever of such power, and another one in my back pocket.
Have you ever driven past a field that has high tension power lines? The towers stretch in pairs across roadways, grassland to the horizon and beyond. They always look exactly the same no matter where you find them! The hypothesis is that this delivery system is simply not enough to carry the glut of that has built up behind the mysterious bottle neck of energy. There is only really one set of power lines and they go around the world! Each time you see a set in a field, realize it’s the same ones you saw across town, in another state, near the zoo, or in any number of “Ultra Man” episodes and “Godzilla” movies! They all look alike, they all stretch in the same direction and they are not enough to carry the world’s energy.
There are some positives to this situation. If you are ever lost and you run across a power line field, if you follow them toward the horizon eventually you will find your way home or to a good b-movie monster fight. The illusion is that many of these lines are stretching criss-crossing the country delivering all of our electricity. In reality there is only one set of towers erected by some guy named Mort. He of course has been subcontracted by your electric company to give the impression that they are everywhere. You hardly notice. The only person doing well outside of limo bound fat cats is Mort. Nobody knows why this lowly electrical worker has yachts, Lear jets, and his picture on a box of Wheaties. Now that his secret is out I bet you won’t be able to find his picture on cereal boxes anymore!
Take time to look carefully the next time you come across such a field and you’ll find they always run in the same direction. Clever Mort, but not slick enough to fool the watchful eye. You may have fooled us in the past but with prices going out of site your shrewd tactics have been discovered. How did you ever think you were going to get away with it?
What could possibly happen next? Will power lines cease to carry the glut of electricity those power brokers are sitting upon? Hardly. As long as the power is in the hand of a few guys the power lines will stand as picturesque as a symbol (like a stature of liberty) to the wealthy. Isn’t America a great place to live? It is especially true if you’re a big-wig, a guy named Mort, or Godzilla!
posted by Giosue' Santarelli at 9:26 AM
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