The Battle of the Bulge
Something happened on the way to middle age. It settled right in under my nose and under my belly button. Now that I’m part of the over 40 crowd I have inherited a family heirloom; a stomach that won’t go away! How can this be? I am still active and attempt to stay in shape by working out 3 times a week. Perhaps the 23 trips a day to the ice cream factory has something to do with it!
According to the website Obesity Help, 58 million Americans are well beyond overweight and fall into the obese category. That is one third of us. I can tell you just where that extra one third falls upon me. It’s between the waist and chest! Now wait a minute. Let’s think about that. I certainly must be in shape I’m carrying an extra 30 pounds around with me wherever I go. That’s like constantly exercising! If that doesn’t keep you in shape then I don’t know what will! Unfortunately the only dumbbell in this workout scenario is me.
Since the concoction of the food pyramid by the Department of Agriculture in the early 1970’s the population, including and especially children, has been swelling. Our ranks, and abdomens, are now near the popping stage.
It is difficult to drink the 64 ounces of water everyday that is recommended. However, I have been doing what I am able for the last 3 decades to max out the requirement for breads and grains. The sizes use to include 6-11 servings from the grain group per day. At that rate I’d just start eating at sun up and finish when dusk rolled around. Actually the only thing rolling around these days is me!
The USDA after taking years of ridicule for the failed dietary guidelines has finally said enough is enough. As unnamed high placed USDA sources were misquoted saying “ee gad we’ve created a nation of Pillsbury dough boy blobs, and their coming this way…lets revamp the pyramid quick before they mistake us for baking pans and sit on us!”
So now quietly the USDA put into action a new colorful 3 dimensional pyramid. For someone my weight and stature I now should only eat 3 ½ whole grains per day. After 30 years of daily eating considerably more I fear that my body will shrivel up and blow away if I follow the new program!
Someone in the government must have figured a way to make workers do less by having them eat similarly. I know, I know! You don’t think it’s possible for government employees to do even less work. Being one of those worker government leeches too I find it all confusing. I’m so use to watermelon bellies that I don’t think I will recognize my fellow Americans when they get in shape simply by following the new eat less / more wisely food pyramid program. Hopefully I will be able to fully memorize and implement the new strategy. If the new pyramid is made out of something fattening I’m sure we’ll all notice it a lot quicker!
Something happened on the way to middle age. It settled right in under my nose and under my belly button. Now that I’m part of the over 40 crowd I have inherited a family heirloom; a stomach that won’t go away! How can this be? I am still active and attempt to stay in shape by working out 3 times a week. Perhaps the 23 trips a day to the ice cream factory has something to do with it!
According to the website Obesity Help, 58 million Americans are well beyond overweight and fall into the obese category. That is one third of us. I can tell you just where that extra one third falls upon me. It’s between the waist and chest! Now wait a minute. Let’s think about that. I certainly must be in shape I’m carrying an extra 30 pounds around with me wherever I go. That’s like constantly exercising! If that doesn’t keep you in shape then I don’t know what will! Unfortunately the only dumbbell in this workout scenario is me.
Since the concoction of the food pyramid by the Department of Agriculture in the early 1970’s the population, including and especially children, has been swelling. Our ranks, and abdomens, are now near the popping stage.
It is difficult to drink the 64 ounces of water everyday that is recommended. However, I have been doing what I am able for the last 3 decades to max out the requirement for breads and grains. The sizes use to include 6-11 servings from the grain group per day. At that rate I’d just start eating at sun up and finish when dusk rolled around. Actually the only thing rolling around these days is me!
The USDA after taking years of ridicule for the failed dietary guidelines has finally said enough is enough. As unnamed high placed USDA sources were misquoted saying “ee gad we’ve created a nation of Pillsbury dough boy blobs, and their coming this way…lets revamp the pyramid quick before they mistake us for baking pans and sit on us!”
So now quietly the USDA put into action a new colorful 3 dimensional pyramid. For someone my weight and stature I now should only eat 3 ½ whole grains per day. After 30 years of daily eating considerably more I fear that my body will shrivel up and blow away if I follow the new program!
Someone in the government must have figured a way to make workers do less by having them eat similarly. I know, I know! You don’t think it’s possible for government employees to do even less work. Being one of those worker government leeches too I find it all confusing. I’m so use to watermelon bellies that I don’t think I will recognize my fellow Americans when they get in shape simply by following the new eat less / more wisely food pyramid program. Hopefully I will be able to fully memorize and implement the new strategy. If the new pyramid is made out of something fattening I’m sure we’ll all notice it a lot quicker!
posted by Giosue' Santarelli at 12:53 PM
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