The Birds, the Bees and the Trees
Spring; when a young man’s fancy turns to…..aaaachooooo! That’s right. With all of the joys and awakenings of warmer weather comes the bane of many a sensitive schnoz. This is the season that tissue manufacturers love. Pollen is in the air and while a romp in the hay may be a wonderful thing, for many it is not so – not with birds, bees, trees and plants looking to spawn! The itchy noses and watery eyes are not usually signs of amoré. When it comes to plants, however, your sniffer is a good indicator that love is in the air. Most people don’t know that they are involved in such an elaborate, intimate dance with their surroundings. If you stop to think about it, people do an awful lot of breathing so it is impossible to avoid inhaling those things that are used for the birds and the bees by many a plant.
A report from the International Archives of Allergy and Immunology indicates that there are over 250,000 species of pollen-producing species. Holy cow, talk about Sodom and Gomorrah of the Environment! There are only about 100 types of trees, still an ecological harem, that causes the nose to know what it knows, ya know? The stuff can be downright irritating. Not like the “hey, you’re on my hair” annoyance, that you might be willing to put up with, but more like the uncontrollable, premature kind of a dog trying to mark his territory on the wall, couch, rug, closet, your foot, or any other surface that he deems in needing of identification.
Most things of illustrious beauty - for instance, plants trees, flowers and Cheryl Tiegs displayed on the hood of a Porsche all exhibit the same eye-watering characteristics. Their stuff gets under your eye lids enough to make you cry. It gives new meaning to the saying that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” It’s more like a finger in your socket as opposed to something soft and soothing. So what are you willing to sacrifice in the name of beauty? How much Visine are you willing to carry for your comfort while this orgy of replication continues?
The evidence of this reproductive decadence is all around us on certain spring mornings when you take a gander at your automobile. There is enough pollen on it to make you think that little green men from outer space with severe dandruff conditions have been walking across the hood. The green powder is everywhere. Is it any wonder that with so much “seed” around looking for a place to go that people start acting weird? There is restlessness, the desire to want to romp, and the renewed energy of a puppy’s enthusiasm to grab a hold of the first leg passing by for a fast-paced waltz.
Of course, humankind has taken this bit of nature and turned its need for pill-popping, antihistamine-taking and syrup-swallowing into a multibillion dollar industry. There are medicines, devices, masks and all sorts of things to make your body unaware of the relentless bombardment of the reproductive cycle to which you are being exposed (and without a raincoat, too). So thorough is man’s allergic reaction that these medical comforts distract your body enough that you’d never know you were surrounded by so much of nature’s pornography. It’s not like you’re going to find much of a centerfold, though, unless you happen to be reading Home and Garden.
A report from the International Archives of Allergy and Immunology indicates that there are over 250,000 species of pollen-producing species. Holy cow, talk about Sodom and Gomorrah of the Environment! There are only about 100 types of trees, still an ecological harem, that causes the nose to know what it knows, ya know? The stuff can be downright irritating. Not like the “hey, you’re on my hair” annoyance, that you might be willing to put up with, but more like the uncontrollable, premature kind of a dog trying to mark his territory on the wall, couch, rug, closet, your foot, or any other surface that he deems in needing of identification.
Most things of illustrious beauty - for instance, plants trees, flowers and Cheryl Tiegs displayed on the hood of a Porsche all exhibit the same eye-watering characteristics. Their stuff gets under your eye lids enough to make you cry. It gives new meaning to the saying that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” It’s more like a finger in your socket as opposed to something soft and soothing. So what are you willing to sacrifice in the name of beauty? How much Visine are you willing to carry for your comfort while this orgy of replication continues?
The evidence of this reproductive decadence is all around us on certain spring mornings when you take a gander at your automobile. There is enough pollen on it to make you think that little green men from outer space with severe dandruff conditions have been walking across the hood. The green powder is everywhere. Is it any wonder that with so much “seed” around looking for a place to go that people start acting weird? There is restlessness, the desire to want to romp, and the renewed energy of a puppy’s enthusiasm to grab a hold of the first leg passing by for a fast-paced waltz.
Of course, humankind has taken this bit of nature and turned its need for pill-popping, antihistamine-taking and syrup-swallowing into a multibillion dollar industry. There are medicines, devices, masks and all sorts of things to make your body unaware of the relentless bombardment of the reproductive cycle to which you are being exposed (and without a raincoat, too). So thorough is man’s allergic reaction that these medical comforts distract your body enough that you’d never know you were surrounded by so much of nature’s pornography. It’s not like you’re going to find much of a centerfold, though, unless you happen to be reading Home and Garden.
posted by Giosue' Santarelli at 6:11 AM
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