BATHROOMS!
In a free capitalistic country such as America, it is really refreshing to know that freedom abounds in all areas. Take for example lavatories. While men usually have no specific requirement beyond a bush, open road, or a tire that is still upon a car, women need more creature comforts even in this; the most odd of places. Can you picture your wife squatting in a field with a roll of leaves in her hand? Probably not, but many men can picture it of themselves out of true life experience; and that is just during pledge week at the college fraternity!
Bathrooms are perhaps one of the most intimate places on earth. We spend a lot of time naked in there, and there are usually mirrors. What greater example of vulnerability and hideousness is there than that? If you’re not in one with a moon cut out on the door then you are probably in some sort of modern version of the crapper. With a few stalls and urinals on the wall most men are satisfied. When manufacturers get clever with group canal basins in the middle of the bathroom for whizzing, many guys get uncomfortable. Perhaps it is the fact of whipping yourself out and waving it all over the place that has the modest a bit wary of this bathhouse style fixture. There are still also, great feelings of homophobia among many males in this society. The penile aversion even goes so deep as to inspire the catchy men's room phrase "if you shake it more than three times, you're playing with it".
Women on the other hand will often join hands, hop skip and jump their way from the restaurant dinner table to the restroom together. This for men is a big no no! Aside from the obvious discomfort among patrons when men might hold hands, most he-men are not coordinated enough to hop or skip without tripping over themselves and thus looking like a boob.
Ladies use these bathroom breaks as social interludes with likeminded compatriots to gossip and make fun of their dates. Guys who might be forced to stand in line on mass at a sporting event have a more Neanderthal socialization. It is often accompanied by loud drunken rhetoric, and cattle sounds including the famous moo-cow calls as they wait to relieve themselves. Now you know why Bessie is always loudest when she is standing in the field. She's full and needs to be tapped!
Sparse as male restrooms can be, the contrast is that some women’s rooms actually have furniture. What better place to sit and wait for your friends who are doing their business than in a chase lounge by the sink area? Upscale locations have their own separate sitting room; sort of like a classy family room for the urinally challenged. Who wants to talk to someone through a stall room door when we can converse in the comforts of home and still share a urethral experience?
At swanky hotels and establishments there are often finely dressed gentlemen standing at the wait with fine linen towels, a smile, and a plate that you are suppose to fill with money. For guys, the general consensus is “look dude I’m already in here because of waste so don’t expect me to give away my money as an additional cost to pooping”. That doesn't work. Thank goodness they don't charge dimes anymore to enter bathroom stalls. That was a post World War II idea that must have come from the ranks of Third Reich bathroom designers. More refined once again, the ladies might not mind it if there was a finely dressed man in their bathroom if he was perhaps, Sean Connery, Tom Cruise, or Brad Pitt. Nevertheless giving guys money in a bathroom would seem somewhat tawdry as demonstrated by Richard Gere in the movie American Gigolo.
Technological advances such as the bidet are mind blowing. Somebody dedicated their life to the pursuit of such a device! Do you realize how many hours have been contributed by countless engineers, designers, and craftsman so they could create a piece of equipment to wash your tooshie hands free? A lofty goal perhaps, but can anyone take credit for such an invention with a strait face? “I invented the crack washer and it made me a zillion-air; mostly because women don’t like to touch themselves down there!” How would you like to ride the crest of that wave all the way to the bank?
Of course this is the 21st century and there are those who think we have evolved enough to have unisex bathrooms. This seems to be an invitation to trouble. Not since they started putting infant changing tables in men’s bathrooms has such obvious evidence surfaced that the women are guiding the unisex concept. Where else can she slap the unsavory for not lowering the seat, chastise those without aim, and enhance her love life by meeting that one in a million good-looker? After all Brad Pitt has to whiz just like the rest of us.
Bathrooms are perhaps one of the most intimate places on earth. We spend a lot of time naked in there, and there are usually mirrors. What greater example of vulnerability and hideousness is there than that? If you’re not in one with a moon cut out on the door then you are probably in some sort of modern version of the crapper. With a few stalls and urinals on the wall most men are satisfied. When manufacturers get clever with group canal basins in the middle of the bathroom for whizzing, many guys get uncomfortable. Perhaps it is the fact of whipping yourself out and waving it all over the place that has the modest a bit wary of this bathhouse style fixture. There are still also, great feelings of homophobia among many males in this society. The penile aversion even goes so deep as to inspire the catchy men's room phrase "if you shake it more than three times, you're playing with it".
Women on the other hand will often join hands, hop skip and jump their way from the restaurant dinner table to the restroom together. This for men is a big no no! Aside from the obvious discomfort among patrons when men might hold hands, most he-men are not coordinated enough to hop or skip without tripping over themselves and thus looking like a boob.
Ladies use these bathroom breaks as social interludes with likeminded compatriots to gossip and make fun of their dates. Guys who might be forced to stand in line on mass at a sporting event have a more Neanderthal socialization. It is often accompanied by loud drunken rhetoric, and cattle sounds including the famous moo-cow calls as they wait to relieve themselves. Now you know why Bessie is always loudest when she is standing in the field. She's full and needs to be tapped!
Sparse as male restrooms can be, the contrast is that some women’s rooms actually have furniture. What better place to sit and wait for your friends who are doing their business than in a chase lounge by the sink area? Upscale locations have their own separate sitting room; sort of like a classy family room for the urinally challenged. Who wants to talk to someone through a stall room door when we can converse in the comforts of home and still share a urethral experience?
At swanky hotels and establishments there are often finely dressed gentlemen standing at the wait with fine linen towels, a smile, and a plate that you are suppose to fill with money. For guys, the general consensus is “look dude I’m already in here because of waste so don’t expect me to give away my money as an additional cost to pooping”. That doesn't work. Thank goodness they don't charge dimes anymore to enter bathroom stalls. That was a post World War II idea that must have come from the ranks of Third Reich bathroom designers. More refined once again, the ladies might not mind it if there was a finely dressed man in their bathroom if he was perhaps, Sean Connery, Tom Cruise, or Brad Pitt. Nevertheless giving guys money in a bathroom would seem somewhat tawdry as demonstrated by Richard Gere in the movie American Gigolo.
Technological advances such as the bidet are mind blowing. Somebody dedicated their life to the pursuit of such a device! Do you realize how many hours have been contributed by countless engineers, designers, and craftsman so they could create a piece of equipment to wash your tooshie hands free? A lofty goal perhaps, but can anyone take credit for such an invention with a strait face? “I invented the crack washer and it made me a zillion-air; mostly because women don’t like to touch themselves down there!” How would you like to ride the crest of that wave all the way to the bank?
Of course this is the 21st century and there are those who think we have evolved enough to have unisex bathrooms. This seems to be an invitation to trouble. Not since they started putting infant changing tables in men’s bathrooms has such obvious evidence surfaced that the women are guiding the unisex concept. Where else can she slap the unsavory for not lowering the seat, chastise those without aim, and enhance her love life by meeting that one in a million good-looker? After all Brad Pitt has to whiz just like the rest of us.
posted by Giosue' Santarelli at 10:34 AM
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