MIDRIFF
According to the Probert Encyclopedia and International Slang Dictionary ones midriff is synonymous with the proverbial SPARE-TYRE. Now I don’t want to be cynical but when you start defining the sleek tight abdominal region being flabby as a natural state then we’ve gone too far into the Twinkie zone! I’m all in favor of cream filled goodies mind you but when you are shaped like a Hostess cupcake it’s time to start thinking of an exercise program.
Heck I’m sure I jog 100 miles back and forth to the refrigerator over the course of any given month I tell my friends. They respond, “That is not what one would define as a positive weight loss program you Ding Dong,” (if I make one more reference to a Hostess company product they’re gonna want a kickback from my lucrative writing perdeim. I don’t have to worry though because I’m contracted with a salary of Ho Ho’s and Snowballs. Uh oh too late I think I just broke the Hostess rule twice over (cha-ching…that’s the sound of Hostess making out like a bandit).
The obsession with food…no lets not even call this stuff food. That would be ridiculous. Any edible product that has a shelf life exceeding 10,000 years because of its preservatives should not be considered food. The wise ones among us no longer consider this stuff nutritious.
Heck in college my roommates and I lived on only junk food, beer, and cup o’ soup! Perhaps it is in that period when my mind became warped by all of those glutamates, sulphates, and dextromathorifanic material put into these products to keep them fresh. I’m sure if my 13th birthday cake had been loaded with all that stuff that I could eat it at my retirement party and find it tasting pretty much the same as if I had just blown out the candles as a teen.
My writing has never been the same since college however. The professors use to laugh at my humorous compositions all the time. I thought they found it amusing but when I think back on it and coupling that with their head shaking and “F” grade giving perhaps they were laughing at my slow descension into a world that would make Willie Wonka smile.
Now if you listen to what all of the current children’s television programs tell you about eating only fruits, vegetables, and a balanced breakfast I need to know how would you get all of the energy required to make it through your busy day? Without sugar where would we be? Captain Kangaroo use to promote cereal with tons of sugar when I was growing up. We had T.V. dinners, pudding in metal cups and we took our sandwiches to school without any ice packs or thermos items to keep our brown bag stuff fresh until lunch time. It’s amazing the whole school wasn’t wiped out by some great food poisoning outbreak. I think we were immune to such eventualities because of all of those special preservatives in the Hostess pies and cakes (cha-ching - more kickbacks).
Today’s well balanced meals being snuck into children’s lives are even further removed from true nutrition. In the name of convenience you can pick up an entire meal for their lunches in the chilled food aisle. There’s pizza, hot dogs, turkey, ham, and nacho lunches all prepared and ready to be devoured. They come with a fruit drink which could attract a thousand honey bees at a hundred paces!
The effect is about a million times the sweetness of the fruit they are purported to come from and there is a dessert which is usually a candy bar. That’ll top out their day at school or the day care. No wonder ADHD is a big problem with today’s youth. All of that sugar sends them bouncing off the walls in the doctors office. I for one can tell you doctors are fond of their walls and will prescribe something to calm children down just so their walls will stay intact. Ritalin should be called rid-a-lad as often as they dole out the stuff!
We no longer have time to invest in the three main meals a day like when mom stayed home to make sure we had some real food to balance all of those cookies and cakes. Now this high sodium, super caloric, mountainous carbohydrate loaded material is being pumped into the next generation like you would not believe. The Oompa Loompa’s would not be happy! As a matter of fact our kids are beginning to look Oompa Loompa-ish!
Aside from enabling them to belch like sailors on shore leave stumbling out of the bar as they head to the port brothel there is little nutritional benefit to the youngsters. Yeah, our children are going to live longer but not because medical science has realized any stunning medical break through. Their longevity will be due to the Twinkie to the third power advancement that makes up their diet now.
What has all of this got to do with midriff? Well spend some time looking at your children’s stomach. Is it flat and tight like yours and mine were growing up? The answer is probably not. The odds are that you’re building a little porker there that is only going to be satisfied by one sweet piece of junk food after another. They are little sugar addicts. On top of that no one wants to see a youngster in a bikini who thinks they’re sexy sporting a belly bigger than their dad.
Clothes have gotten bigger and the tag sizes deceptively smaller to accommodate the bulging spare tire we are saddling our youngsters with. It’s a psychological game and the hyjinks has our youth deluding themselves even more than we do as adults. That can’t be healthy. Consider that most of us think we look like Brad Pitt or Jennifer Anniston and you realize that we are as loopy as our children when it comes to rationalizing our appearance. C’mon 60% of us are “overweight,” (which is the Center for Disease Control’s terminology for “big fat tub of flab bouncing whale waving blubber). If our children get any bigger at birth hospitals will send them home with booties, a cap, and a onesie made for two.
It is time to shut off the valve of all those processed foods before you
wake up and find the stay-puff marshmallow kid lives in your house. Kick them out to play in the backyard with their friends away from the TV and keep the poppin fresh dough boy away from your child’s waistline. The midriff bulge is a sure sign your kid is a junk food junkie. You should make an effort to avoid burdening them with all the wonders that go with that state. After you get them strait you can work on your own mid section. It is twice as hard to eliminate that tire once you are middle aged. Holy cow that’s another troubling topic you have to worry about. Virtually all things you eat as a midde-ager ends up on the midriff! It’s troubling enough to send you to the Twinkie aisle (cha-ching)!
Heck I’m sure I jog 100 miles back and forth to the refrigerator over the course of any given month I tell my friends. They respond, “That is not what one would define as a positive weight loss program you Ding Dong,” (if I make one more reference to a Hostess company product they’re gonna want a kickback from my lucrative writing perdeim. I don’t have to worry though because I’m contracted with a salary of Ho Ho’s and Snowballs. Uh oh too late I think I just broke the Hostess rule twice over (cha-ching…that’s the sound of Hostess making out like a bandit).
The obsession with food…no lets not even call this stuff food. That would be ridiculous. Any edible product that has a shelf life exceeding 10,000 years because of its preservatives should not be considered food. The wise ones among us no longer consider this stuff nutritious.
Heck in college my roommates and I lived on only junk food, beer, and cup o’ soup! Perhaps it is in that period when my mind became warped by all of those glutamates, sulphates, and dextromathorifanic material put into these products to keep them fresh. I’m sure if my 13th birthday cake had been loaded with all that stuff that I could eat it at my retirement party and find it tasting pretty much the same as if I had just blown out the candles as a teen.
My writing has never been the same since college however. The professors use to laugh at my humorous compositions all the time. I thought they found it amusing but when I think back on it and coupling that with their head shaking and “F” grade giving perhaps they were laughing at my slow descension into a world that would make Willie Wonka smile.
Now if you listen to what all of the current children’s television programs tell you about eating only fruits, vegetables, and a balanced breakfast I need to know how would you get all of the energy required to make it through your busy day? Without sugar where would we be? Captain Kangaroo use to promote cereal with tons of sugar when I was growing up. We had T.V. dinners, pudding in metal cups and we took our sandwiches to school without any ice packs or thermos items to keep our brown bag stuff fresh until lunch time. It’s amazing the whole school wasn’t wiped out by some great food poisoning outbreak. I think we were immune to such eventualities because of all of those special preservatives in the Hostess pies and cakes (cha-ching - more kickbacks).
Today’s well balanced meals being snuck into children’s lives are even further removed from true nutrition. In the name of convenience you can pick up an entire meal for their lunches in the chilled food aisle. There’s pizza, hot dogs, turkey, ham, and nacho lunches all prepared and ready to be devoured. They come with a fruit drink which could attract a thousand honey bees at a hundred paces!
The effect is about a million times the sweetness of the fruit they are purported to come from and there is a dessert which is usually a candy bar. That’ll top out their day at school or the day care. No wonder ADHD is a big problem with today’s youth. All of that sugar sends them bouncing off the walls in the doctors office. I for one can tell you doctors are fond of their walls and will prescribe something to calm children down just so their walls will stay intact. Ritalin should be called rid-a-lad as often as they dole out the stuff!
We no longer have time to invest in the three main meals a day like when mom stayed home to make sure we had some real food to balance all of those cookies and cakes. Now this high sodium, super caloric, mountainous carbohydrate loaded material is being pumped into the next generation like you would not believe. The Oompa Loompa’s would not be happy! As a matter of fact our kids are beginning to look Oompa Loompa-ish!
Aside from enabling them to belch like sailors on shore leave stumbling out of the bar as they head to the port brothel there is little nutritional benefit to the youngsters. Yeah, our children are going to live longer but not because medical science has realized any stunning medical break through. Their longevity will be due to the Twinkie to the third power advancement that makes up their diet now.
What has all of this got to do with midriff? Well spend some time looking at your children’s stomach. Is it flat and tight like yours and mine were growing up? The answer is probably not. The odds are that you’re building a little porker there that is only going to be satisfied by one sweet piece of junk food after another. They are little sugar addicts. On top of that no one wants to see a youngster in a bikini who thinks they’re sexy sporting a belly bigger than their dad.
Clothes have gotten bigger and the tag sizes deceptively smaller to accommodate the bulging spare tire we are saddling our youngsters with. It’s a psychological game and the hyjinks has our youth deluding themselves even more than we do as adults. That can’t be healthy. Consider that most of us think we look like Brad Pitt or Jennifer Anniston and you realize that we are as loopy as our children when it comes to rationalizing our appearance. C’mon 60% of us are “overweight,” (which is the Center for Disease Control’s terminology for “big fat tub of flab bouncing whale waving blubber). If our children get any bigger at birth hospitals will send them home with booties, a cap, and a onesie made for two.
It is time to shut off the valve of all those processed foods before you
wake up and find the stay-puff marshmallow kid lives in your house. Kick them out to play in the backyard with their friends away from the TV and keep the poppin fresh dough boy away from your child’s waistline. The midriff bulge is a sure sign your kid is a junk food junkie. You should make an effort to avoid burdening them with all the wonders that go with that state. After you get them strait you can work on your own mid section. It is twice as hard to eliminate that tire once you are middle aged. Holy cow that’s another troubling topic you have to worry about. Virtually all things you eat as a midde-ager ends up on the midriff! It’s troubling enough to send you to the Twinkie aisle (cha-ching)!
posted by Giosue' Santarelli at 11:58 AM
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